Whose plans...?

So after just deciding to be patient, wait and see what happens, I get a call for an interview for a teaching position. The call just so happened to come at a somewhat inconvenient time. I was on my way to Bellows for our annual family camp. Despite having some hesitations about accepting the interview, I agreed and decided to just see what happens. So after an AMAZING time with my family at camp, I was completely exhausted and had to prepare for my interview. As I prepared and prayed about it, I kept thinking that it would just be a practice interview and that I would substitute for this coming school year. That way I can go to Oregon & visit, and decide what to do. I thought I had that all figured out and I was totally fine with "my" plan.

My interview went well and I asked questions and talked about my experiences, and still felt that I probably wouldn't get the job because other people were interviewed besides me. I also admit that I knew I would have to work really hard, and of course that meant that I can't be so lazy anymore. So I was being a little bit selfish.. I wasn't expecting to hear back until today or tomorrow. But I got a call back yesterday with an offer for a 3rd grade position. I was very surprised and excited and apprehensive. So I decided to pray about it over night and make my final decision in the morning. At first, I was thinking that I had to accept it because it's an amazing opportunity, the school seems great, but then I would start REALLY soon, and I wouldn't have much time to prepare..

So as I prayed, talked with my family & friends about it I knew what the right decision was. But I still was uncertain because of my selfishness (again). I really was set on substituting, and I knew that time was crunching down before the school year began. But somehow in the back of my mind, I just had a feeling that I was going to get an offer and have a job. And guess what? I read the daily devotional by the Purpose Driven Life, and it said this:

• God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey him and the power to do what pleases him. Philippians 2:13 (NLT)

Now that to me was a very clear indicator that God was going to take care of the details if I choose to obey Him and accept the job offer. God's timing is always perfect, yet it never seems perfect to me. He taught me that His blessings come when I least expect it and sometimes when it seems inconvenient for me. I am thrilled and blessed about this opportunity. I have LOTS to do, lots to learn...but I know that my God will be with me every step of the way. And, I even have a supportive family, friends, and mentors who have been through this experience themselves.

So I'm stepping out in faith, having full confidence that this school year will be full of joy, challenges, growth, and accomplishments. I didn't expect this at all, but I know that I'm not in this alone. I'm willing to take this leap and see where it leads...:)

Standing firm

Summer school is going pretty good so far. I didn't know how exhausting it is for such a short amount of time-4 hours. It's a good amount of time though and nice so the kids can have fun too in the summer time. Having 31 kids is huge and noisy and stressful. I love teaching, no doubt, but managing them is the toughest part. Everyone that I've talked to keeps telling me that I HAVE to "put my foot down"/lay down the law, be tough and stand firm. My response is always that it's really not in my nature to be "mean/firm." I'm practicing it and it's good that I have this summer school experience to learn and practice being firm.

It's just exhausting and takes so much of my energy. My prayer is that I seek God's guidance in everything, especially through the last weeks.

Other than school, I miss my friends. It's not the same living apart from them, and talking over the phone doesn't even compare to being with each other in person. I miss the fun, crazy times with the roommates, three shades, and my other loves! Maybe I will move back...:P

I'm waiting for God's call on my life. I know He has great things in store for me, so I guess you could say i'm in the time of waiting and listening for His voice and direction.

♥LoVe.iS.heRe♥

I keep on hearing this song on the radio and it always reminds me that God is always present and that he never stops loving us. I wonder why I forget that so often, especially when I don't feel or see God in my life. I know that he's with me, but maybe i need to acknowledge his presence.

I am confused about life--what to do, where to go/live, looking back over the past 4 years of college, missing friends & wondering if and when I'll have those moments again... So many thoughts flood my head and heart. I feel such a heavy burden and I can't put a specific name on it because I know it's many of these things that are weighing on me. Now that college is over I have a degree that pretty much tells me what I'll be doing for the rest of my life. But do I want to get right into it right away? Or do I want to explore and take leaps of faith to serve the God who has carried and blessed me more than I ever imagined?
...so many questions, without answers...

I don't feel any specific call on my life right now. Maybe it's because I'm not searching God's will and in prayer about it. I guess I'm being lazy and that's why I don't feel that tug on my heart.

It's so weird to realize that I'm not going back to Fox. That I'm not just home for the summer. It's really weird and sad because I won't be apart of the Fox life....but I have so many memories of all the experiences and things I've learned. Leaving college & living in the real world is harder than i thought... But I know that whatever I do & wherever I go someone is always going to be with me, carrying me, comforting me and ♥loving me. :)

Tenth Avenue North - Love Is Here
Come to the waters
You who thirst and you’ll thirst no more
Come to the Father
You who work and you’ll work no more

All you who labor in vain
And to the broken and shamed

Love is here
Love is now
Love is pouring from His hands from His brow
Love is near it satisfies
Streams of mercy flowing from His side
Cause Love is here

Come to the treasure
You who search and you’ll search no more
Come to the lover
You who want and you’ll want no more

All you who labor in vain
And to the broken and shamed

And to the bruised and fallen
Captives bound and brokenhearted
He is the Lord, He is the Lord
By His stripes He’s paid our ransom
From His wounds we drink salvation
He is the Lord, He is the Lord

Love is here
Love is now
Love is pouring from His hands from His brow
Love is near it satisfies
Streams of mercy flowing from His side

a bittersweet time

9 days until graduation!!!

I'm sooo unbelievably excited to graduate and can't believe this day is finally coming!!! The past 4 years have been full of growth, real friendships, laughter, breakdowns, challenges, pain, frosty's from Wendy's, studying, sleeping, partying, watching movies, flutes, prayer, tears, meaningful conversations, dancing hula, swinging in the rain, three shades, worship, crazy roommates, music, walking dates, star-gazing, hawaii dinners love, hugs and the list goes on....boys...

I don't think their is anything I really regret except for maybe one thing, but through all of these experiences I have learned soo much and grown soo much! So in the end I wouldn't trade any of it for anything else. Even the heartbreaks and breakdowns...I don't regret them. Because now I look back and see how God brought me through it all and I wouldn't be where I am today if I didn't go through those experiences.

So this is a bittersweet time because it's the close of my college career. I'll be getting my degree and everything that comes with the title. But I'm leaving behind so many memories and so many amazing friends that I dearly love with all my heart (not as much as Jesus). I never knew I could find such amazing people, and this community of fellowship. I have been blessed more than I ever expected through my friends, professors and others.

It's so hard to say goodbye, but I know that it is time to say goodbye...to this community. I've been molded and am still being molded by this community of believers and I feel prepared for the world that lies before me. God has given me desires to serve, whether it be in the US or in another country. I'm excited to see what he has in store for me and to be able to love on others as I have been loved here.

Yet, it's so hard to say goodbye to the ones who have loved me and I them. I'm grateful for the times we've had together and I wish we never have to part. But I also know that someday we will be together again and I can't wait for that day! :)

change of my plans?

So I found out that I'm an alternate for the JET program. At first I was disappointed, and I guess I still am. I got my hopes up about it and everyone was excited for me. I was pretty confident about it, but still that unknown-ness of it all was still up in the air. And the question still lingered as to whether or not it's a part of God's plan or my plan? I still don't know the answer to that and a friend reminded me something important today....that it's the beauty of life...the not knowing part of what God's will is.

After getting the email about it, it really sucked. I questioned why my hopes for it were so high and I wondered how this greatly affects my future job decision making/search. I guess I did have my doubts about the JET and I was apprehensive about even applying and trying for it. But then I thought, why not? I won't have any real job commitments yet, it'd be a great opportunity to teach in another country, travel and explore. But maybe God has other plans for me that are far greater...possibly. I'm just going to see what God has in store for me.

The exciting news is that I have a job teaching summer school! It is seriously a blessing and I'm super excited and grateful for my first teaching opportunity as the TEACHER, not student teacher! woohoo!

So through all of this up and down, exciting and somewhat depressing news, I am content. I know that God has his hand in all of this and is guiding me. I'm just trusting....'moment by moment, day after day'...

Trusting

I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. (Jeremiah 29:11, The Message)

So in my interview for the JET I was asked a question, or given a situation. So I get to Japan, the people I'm working with don't speak very much English, I have very little food..what do I do? Well, my answer was basically to ask my friends who have been through the program for advice. Anything would probably be helpful. Their were times in my interview that I wanted to express my faith -- that I would pray and seek God's guidance, and allow Him to carry me through this experience. They seemed to really press into the fact that it's going to be challenging, that it's going to be stressful and their probably will be days when all I want to do is quit.

I know that it will be a challenging experience, but in some ways I feel as though God has been preparing me to go. College has been challenging in many ways, especially balancing my life and school, being away from home and the familiar. I have learned and grown in so many ways. I know that I haven't stopped growing and learning either. I have learned a lot about myself--my failings, flaws and imperfections. I've learned good things about myself too, but I think the negatives have helped me more to grow.

In some ways I'm so ready to be done with school and graduate!! I can't wait! On the other hand, I'm going to miss my friends...especially three shades! I love the social aspect and life of school, except when it gets complicated and stressful. I know that I have learned a lot through my friends too. :)

Jesus, Lord of Heaven

Jesus, Lord of Heaven,
I did not deserve
the grace that You have given
and the promise of Your word.

Lord, I stand in wonder
of the sacrifice You made
with mercy beyond measure.
My debt You freely paid.

Your love is deeper than the cross,
higher than the heavens,
reaches beyon the stars in the sky.

Jesus, Your love has no bounds

I can't say how much I love this song! It's currently my life song, because it keeps bringing me back to my first love, my true love. He's done so much for me, forgiven me, reclaimed my heart and soul. He's worthy of my praise, my life, my thoughts! His love is seriously all I need!

This week has been stressful, sleep-depriving, confusing, but through this week I came to the realization that Jesus reigns above all of that. He surpasses my confusions and frustrations. May my eyes be fixed on Him and Him alone. May I live in the moment, not worrying about what life holds after graduation. It's frustrating because I feel like by doing that, I'm somewhat in denial that my life is going to change after graduation.

I've grown so so so much in the past 4 years. I never thought I'd really be going to Japan. It was always just a thought and plans that Jenny & I talked about doing. I could be in Japan in less than 6 months! ahh! So exciting & scary at the same time! I definitely feel the holy spirit moving in me about going...and I'm scared to death to do it. But I know that if God's brought me this far, He's definitely gonna be with me there!

Japan!

So this week has been an eventful and super exciting one!! I found out that my application to teach English in Japan through the JET program was accepted for the interview process. Then I found out that my interview is in 2 weeks, on February 14th!! That's already a busy day for me, so it's going to be even busier! My parents will be up for my concert that night. I think it's actually perfect timing that they'll be here when I have my interviews. So after my interview, I'll have to wait another 2 months to find out for sure whether I'm accepted to go. I think that I have a pretty good chance of getting in, considering I'll have a degree in Education (plus, I've had a lot of experiences teaching now!)

I'm really excited, but somewhat sad at the same time. I've developed so many friendships throughout my 4 years at Fox. I can't believe that it's my 4th year already! Time flies by soo fast! I'm both ready to be done with school but then sad to leave my friends! I feel like college graduation is a big step in life, compared to high school. Because basically I get to face the "real world" once I'm out of here. I feel prepared and confident in myself for teaching and getting a job, but I don't really want to grow up just yet. I felt so old when I was student teaching since I was around "grown-ups" all day, well and 7 year olds. It's just a different environment than being on a college campus with fun, craziness and friends!

I'm excited to see where God leads me in the next few years. Everyone's excited for me too and that makes me happy. I know that I have a ton of support. I'm a little afraid of being "homesick" while I'm in Japan. I definitely know that if I go it'll be a challenge, but I think that it'll be amazing too!

So even though I'm really excited and sad, I'm also a little bit confused. It's hard to start friendships/relationships, when I don't know if I'll see them again after graduation....kinda frustrating. But I guess I just have to trust that God knows what He's doing and that His timing is perfect....eh?

Let it snow....

It's freezing cold!!! Right now I can't decide if I'd rather be in the hot & humid weather of home or here in this freezing cold! I love the cold, but not really when my face & hands are frozen and it makes it not want to go outside! I think that if it's going to be this cold, it should just snow!!! I took that picture as we were driving up Mt. Hood for Christmas! I can't believe it was 21 degrees & I didn't feel that cold.

My sister's wedding was beautiful and warm inside :) We had to take pictures outside before the ceremony and it was so cold! My family was freezing! I'm glad that most of my family came up for the wedding! Christmas was so much fun at Mt. Hood! We went inner-tubing ... which was fun except for the collisions that occurred. It snowed soo much Christmas day though! It was b-ea-u-tiful!

This semester is off to a fast start already...almost 2 weeks down already! I have a feeling that it's gonna go by so fast....which is good, but makes me so sad! I have to keep up my grades but I wanna have fun too ;) Well, on that note, I should probably get back to writing my paper...ugh!

contentment

"everything I desire is found in Jesus."

It's such a true statement but why is it so hard to experience it to the fullness? I sometimes wish I lived long ago when everything was slow-paced and life was enjoyed; patience was probably a true virtue. ..the best things in life take time.. Why is it that we look to the world to fulfill our desires and not Jesus? Life would be so much more fulfilling if we seek the face of God. It's hard to live in this world, and not be of this world.

I am truly blessed beyond measure with so many things, but I find myself longing for more. I need and want to be content but I also want to fall more deeply in love with Jesus.

Speaking of being blessed, it's officially winter break! This semester was by far the best semester ever! Student teaching and juggling everything else I was involved in, I loved it! Their were a couple of times when I thought I wouldn't make it...but I did! I'm going to miss my 2nd graders oh so much! They were the stresses and blessings this semester. I loved teaching them, listening to their funny stories and praying for them. My heart broke a few times for the situations that they have to deal with at home. I loved being able to call them "my kids." :) In a sense they really became a part of me...I spent over 500 hours with them this semester, taught them new things and spent LOTS of time with them. I loved getting hugs & all of their really cute cards. It's amazing how big of an influence a child's teacher can become to them...even a student teacher.

One more semester left...of gen. ed's. UGH! I'm not all that thrilled, but I'm excited to be back on campus and spend my last semester with my friends and making new ones! I'll also be finding out about the JET program, interviews and whether or not I'll be teaching in Japan next year!! SO exciting & really scary!

Well, I can't wait to see my family soon! It'll be an exciting & very busy break...my sister's WEDDING!, Mt. Hood for Christmas, California for the rest of break!! :)

"Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS!"