Tuesday, December 1, 2009

True Contentment

I am so thankful for my relationship with my heavenly Prince. He has carried me through the craziness of life's ups and downs and I can't imagine my life without Him. I always feel so unworthy of His love, grace and mercy, yet I need it so desperately. Sometimes I wonder how he can forgive me over and over again for being plain dumb and ignoring him. So many times I have thought that I could figure things out on my own, that maybe things would work out if I just continue on in a relationship that isn't healthy. But in the depths of my heart I know what is right and who I love more than anything in this world. He always brings me back to him somehow, even if it means tearing my world into pieces.

I have much to be thankful for and I hate that feeling that I still want more. I have my "dream" job and am doing what I love (even if it gets overwhelming at times). I have a roof over my head, a great family, amazing friends and a lot of little things that I am thankful for. This time of transitioning is definitely harder than being in college. I guess when I was in college my focus was of graduating college and getting good grades. The next step was finding a job in my field, which I have, and the next would be marriage & a family, and own a house or apartment.

In the past month I have been so stressed and overwhelmed with work & PD classes that it made me foresee my future. I was doubting and wondering how life would be while working in a high-demanding, never-ENDing job while being a MOM/wife. ahhh! I just can't imagine how working Mom's do it all and keep their sanity! I realized that I am grateful to be starting out now while I have the extra time and openness in my life at the moment to work & take classes. Even though it may be extremely difficult at times, I think it'll be worth it later on down the road.

Contentment is what I'm always striving for, and it is when I am not content that I get myself into trouble. I love this quote that I read in a magazine..."May our desire to have what God has kept from us (marriage, family, $, etc) not keep us from ENJOYING what he has given to us." I constantly have to remind myself of this, because I'm always the one looking back on the past and missing it, when I usually wasn't enjoying it at the time. I am learning to trust the One who knows me best, to take one day at a time and keep my eyes fixed on Him; the author and perfecter of my faith.

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