contentment

"everything I desire is found in Jesus."

It's such a true statement but why is it so hard to experience it to the fullness? I sometimes wish I lived long ago when everything was slow-paced and life was enjoyed; patience was probably a true virtue. ..the best things in life take time.. Why is it that we look to the world to fulfill our desires and not Jesus? Life would be so much more fulfilling if we seek the face of God. It's hard to live in this world, and not be of this world.

I am truly blessed beyond measure with so many things, but I find myself longing for more. I need and want to be content but I also want to fall more deeply in love with Jesus.

Speaking of being blessed, it's officially winter break! This semester was by far the best semester ever! Student teaching and juggling everything else I was involved in, I loved it! Their were a couple of times when I thought I wouldn't make it...but I did! I'm going to miss my 2nd graders oh so much! They were the stresses and blessings this semester. I loved teaching them, listening to their funny stories and praying for them. My heart broke a few times for the situations that they have to deal with at home. I loved being able to call them "my kids." :) In a sense they really became a part of me...I spent over 500 hours with them this semester, taught them new things and spent LOTS of time with them. I loved getting hugs & all of their really cute cards. It's amazing how big of an influence a child's teacher can become to them...even a student teacher.

One more semester left...of gen. ed's. UGH! I'm not all that thrilled, but I'm excited to be back on campus and spend my last semester with my friends and making new ones! I'll also be finding out about the JET program, interviews and whether or not I'll be teaching in Japan next year!! SO exciting & really scary!

Well, I can't wait to see my family soon! It'll be an exciting & very busy break...my sister's WEDDING!, Mt. Hood for Christmas, California for the rest of break!! :)

"Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS!"

grace

I have a gracious and loving God who is truly carrying me every step of the way..especially this past week....

Life has been busy and crazy, to say the least. But it has been great too! Student teaching is already off to a great start..I have a great school, staff and class to work with! I am learning so much and the 2nd graders are cute! They're pretty fun to teach and they have so much energy. I love it! So I love being in the classroom & school, the not so fun part is having senior seminar once a week, which means...HOMEWORK! We have to read a book for that class, plus do assignments like attend school board meetings, write reflections, & video myself teaching. And..a work sample! (the 100 page document of lesson plans, standards, etc etc) It's ridiculous. But..it's my last one that I have to do!! (i've already done 2!)

So yes, life is crazy. But I am really enjoying it. I've been trying my best to manage my time between teaching, planning, BaNd, being the female chaplain for the band, and hanging out with friends, plus practicing 6 hours a week! Crazy..YES?!?

On top of all that...all of my roommates are sick, plus some of my friends that are student teaching too! I'm trying my best to stay healthy! :)

I came upon this verse in the bible...about being joyful always, praying continuously and giving Thanks in ALL circumstances. I kinda feel like that's like my life verse. Especially recently. A friend asked me how I can be so cheerful all of the time..my response; i can be grouchy too. haha.

"Be joyful ALWAYS, pray CONTINUOUSLY, give THANKS in ALL circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."Philippians 4:6

Oh ya...i'm gonna be 21 in TWO days!

memory lane...

As I was cleaning today I was reading some old letters and cards...and reminiscing the good, crazy and hard times. Sometimes I enjoy taking a trip down memory lane, but not always. I think I've finally gotten to a point where my trip down memory lane allows me to see my growth and change. Sometimes I regret things, like not listening to the advice of my friends...but in the end, I realize that God never left me. He was definitely always with me, and still is.

Pictures, letters, cards...those help me to remember my past. I sometimes wonder "what if" or maybe my life might not be what it is now had I chosen or done things differently int the past. God's been teaching me that taking that trip down memory lane shouldn't be "what if's" but it should be more like...how did i grow..how have i changed since then..and what did i learn.

It's so amazing how God uses our memories and past experiences to teach us things about ourselves and shows us ways we can change. I'm learning that. But it's a process.

I feel like I've grown so much since I graduated high school and throughout college. I'm so glad that I went away to school. Its given me an appreciation for home, but I also feel that maybe God's calling me to come back home after i graduate.

Since I led a few bible studies and helped out several times with the Youth group at church, a part of me feels as though God might be calling me to this ministry. Not as a job, but as a part of the church. Since I grew up in this church I kinda feel a sense of responsibility and ministry to give back what I've received. I'm super excited for this youth group having new leadership and new teachers helping out. I'm kinda sad that I'll be leaving soon. But I can't wait to see what God has in store!

Oregon bound in 11 days.

randomness

Sometimes I wonder when in the world time is going....it's always when I'm enjoying life that it goes by so fast, yet when i'm not all that thrilled about life it drags.

I seriously do have several things to do before school starts again. Included in that list is the Praxis that i take in a week! I'm not ready nor am i prepared! And, I really have to pass because I don't want to pay for it again! I think I'll be fine with the math, but i need to practice the reading & writing sections.

I'm soo excited for going back to school! Well, mostly for student teaching! I'm stoked to be able to experience the prep, first day school and first several months of school. I have an amazing cooperating teacher and I'm sure the 2nd graders will be precious!

In continuation of this random blog...God is continuing to teach me so much despite the different setbacks throughout this summer. But I'm so thankful that I am alive & well (mostly). The eye surgery went well, family time has been great and I couldn't have asked for better friends. One prayer request though is for my right toe...so I dropped a can of corn on it last week at camp. Ever since then it's just gotten worse (well, it looks awful) but thankfully it's not infected (and pray that it continues to remain Uninfected!). Its been quite the ride with this toe, including a visit to the ER at 5am, and going to the doctor again several days later. So yes, despite all the pain that I've gone through, the Lord's been with me every step of the way. :)

"How can I keep from singing your praise
How can I ever say enough, how amazing is your love
How can i keep from shouting your name
I know I am LOVED by the King and it makes my heart wanna sing!"

Beautiful in the eyes of Jesus

What does it mean to be beautiful? I've been thinking about this question since I've been reading Captivating again. As I was talking with a friend about it, it was hard for me to think of one person that I think is beautiful. I hated to admit it but my idea of being beautiful was the physical, outward appearance of beauty. I've never thought of beauty being inward because our culture puts so much value on our outward beauty.

I'm learning to see beauty through the eyes of God. He's been teaching me that beauty comes from inside and radiates from the inside out. That makes me think of that song "From the inside out." Just as my love for Jesus comes 'from the inside out' so does my beauty; apparently. It's still somewhat hard for me to feel that I am beautiful.

The great thing though: Jesus thinks I'm beautiful. And to me, that's really the only thing that matters.

"You are beautiful in the eyes of the one who made you"

Vulnerable but blessed

So I've been re-reading "Captivating" for the past week and God has been revealing much and speaking many words to me. So I just read how as women, I have feelings of vulnerability. I looked up the definition of this word and got this: capable of being physically or emotionally wounded.

It seems like a lot of women are really vulnerable...and I think it's because we are already wounded. This is crazy to think that so many women feel this way and it already holds us back or causes us to control or dominate others. I've been learning a lot about the Garden of Eden and how all of Eve's actions have affected the role of women. The greatest thing I've learned is that I exemplify the qualities of God by being a women AND that God feels everything that I feel. Like when I'm feeling lonely or feeling like no one cares about me, that God feels that way about me. He wants and desires me to run to Him always! I don't know if this makes perfect sense to others, it's kind of hard to explain.

And then there's always God's beautiful creation reminding me of His love for me. I seriously want to get married..well, at least have my reception at the Turtle Bay Resort! I got to stay there last night with my family. It's one of the most beautiful, relaxing places ever! Besides getting sunburn today, it was so nice! So expensive, but amazing!! It was fun to play "tourist" on my own island. =)

"God gives us opportunities to do the things we ask.." from Evan Almighty. I've never really thought about that before. But I can see that being true..like when we ask him to help us be patient, He does so by providing a situation in which we are able to be patient. Sometimes I wonder if God really does laugh at us. I mean, some of the things I do, say or think are probably really ridiculous and funny to Him. I'm sure He gets a kick out of his children. But I also know that He also hurts with us. I can't express how amazing our God really is.

I'm so glad for this summer, despite the setbacks & laziness and feelings of uselessness and boredom, I know that God is working in me & teaching me many things.

"Sing to the Lord a new song, for he has done marvelous things..." Psalm 98:1

Divine Romance

"The fullness of Your grace is here with me
The richness of Your beauty’s all I see
The brightness of Your glory has arrived
In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied

For You I sing I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart and my hands
To show my love, to show my love

A deep deep flood, an Ocean flows from You
Of deep deep love, yeah it’s filling up the room
Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life
In Your presence God I’m completely satisfied"

God Provides. God's ravishing, unending love never ceases to amaze me. I love this song. It expresses the joy that I feel while basking in the love of Christ.

Okay, so I got to watch the "Love Comes Softly" series...amazing! In this one scene this guy was asking why God allows bad things happen to good people...and the other guy said that God doesn't necessarily allow it, but He promises us that He will always be there beside us, with us, carrying us, etc. And...that got me thinking. Sometimes I think that bad things are like a punishment...maybe sometimes it is? But still, God always makes good of everything. I believe that God can be glorified in all situations; whether good or bad.

Prayer

So it's been only 3 days since I had my surgery and I'm doing really well. The pain is really minimal which is really good!! The surgery went well and my vision is starting to clear up a little bit. Thanks for the many prayers from so many people! :)

I'm getting bored...but the good thing is that I can open my right eye. It just kinda strains my left eye so I can't open it for too long.

Their's something pretty powerful about prayer...and I can definitely feel it!

Paris

I just thought I'd post up a picture of the Eiffel Tower! It was pretty amazing to see it at night!! We planned it out just right! :)

God's beauty

The flowers in Holland were so beautiful!! Even though it was raining that day, it was still so amazing to see God's beauty. I love flowers!

I feel like I forget to thank God for his beautiful creation. I think that I take it for granted a lot. I saw so many amazing views in Europe. God's beauty is all around me. And yet I seem to forget that somehow.

Going to hospital ministry yesterday kinda eased my anxiety & nervousness about my surgery. Their's something powerful about singing praises to God for patients in the hospital. I felt some kind of a connection with the patients, because I know what it's like to be in pain and in need of comfort.

My surgery's in 3 days...I'm still a little bit nervous. I really really want to be at peace the day of my surgery, as they prep me & give me the anesthetic. I hate needles and the last time I had the anesthetic, it hurt. I'm starting to worry about the little details, but I need to give them to God. I know that He has his hand on me, I need to just give it all to Him. I always find that I'm closest to God when I'm at my lowest point or in desperate need of Him. I want to always be in need of him.

"Cause when I'm weak He makes me strong
When I'm blind He shines His light on me
Cause I'll never get by livin on my own abilities
But by the power of Christ in me"
-Casting Crowns-

picking up the pieces

So I've been back in America for a week now. I can't believe that I was really in Europe. Sad to say but it really wasn't as exciting as I thought it would've been. I guess that saying is true, that it's better to have no expectations and not be disappointed, than to have expectations and be disappointed. I thought that it was going to be soo amazing and soo grand, which it kind of was, but not as much as I thought it would be. My favorite place was definitely Belgium...chocolates, waffles!! Simply amazing. :) Paris was pretty grand too, I must admit. I think I should be a little more positive and appreciative that I had the opportunity to go to Europe. Not everyone gets that chance. It was amazing though, to be in Europe and to say that *I've been there!*

Being home has been great, hot, sunny & sweaty. I always feel a little more at ease coming home to familiar faces, hugs & ono grindz. :) I still don't know whether I wanna come back home after graduation, or stay in Oregon. And then there's Japan...I'm still planning to apply for the JET program. We'll see though...we'll see where God leads me. :)

I'm pretty excited for the summer..it'll be relaxing, besides the fact that I have to have eye surgery next Thursday. I'm not really looking forward to it..I really can't stand pain. The recovery's gonna be about a month, so I won't be able to do much..since I won't be able to open my eyes. Pray that the surgery and recovery go well. :)

I have this great feeling that God's gonna do amazing things this summer, and I'm so excited! I'm grateful for my friends! :)

Off to cook now!

The end

Junior year is officially over. Pretty scary, pretty exciting. I guess you could say that this year has been a milestone for me. I've grown, learned, and accomplished so many things this year. The experiences I've had this year will stay with me forever. Even though I'm not completely where I "want to be" in my life, I am grateful for all that God has done for me.

I'm so excited for Europe! And for home! :)