Trusting

I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. (Jeremiah 29:11, The Message)

So in my interview for the JET I was asked a question, or given a situation. So I get to Japan, the people I'm working with don't speak very much English, I have very little food..what do I do? Well, my answer was basically to ask my friends who have been through the program for advice. Anything would probably be helpful. Their were times in my interview that I wanted to express my faith -- that I would pray and seek God's guidance, and allow Him to carry me through this experience. They seemed to really press into the fact that it's going to be challenging, that it's going to be stressful and their probably will be days when all I want to do is quit.

I know that it will be a challenging experience, but in some ways I feel as though God has been preparing me to go. College has been challenging in many ways, especially balancing my life and school, being away from home and the familiar. I have learned and grown in so many ways. I know that I haven't stopped growing and learning either. I have learned a lot about myself--my failings, flaws and imperfections. I've learned good things about myself too, but I think the negatives have helped me more to grow.

In some ways I'm so ready to be done with school and graduate!! I can't wait! On the other hand, I'm going to miss my friends...especially three shades! I love the social aspect and life of school, except when it gets complicated and stressful. I know that I have learned a lot through my friends too. :)

Jesus, Lord of Heaven

Jesus, Lord of Heaven,
I did not deserve
the grace that You have given
and the promise of Your word.

Lord, I stand in wonder
of the sacrifice You made
with mercy beyond measure.
My debt You freely paid.

Your love is deeper than the cross,
higher than the heavens,
reaches beyon the stars in the sky.

Jesus, Your love has no bounds

I can't say how much I love this song! It's currently my life song, because it keeps bringing me back to my first love, my true love. He's done so much for me, forgiven me, reclaimed my heart and soul. He's worthy of my praise, my life, my thoughts! His love is seriously all I need!

This week has been stressful, sleep-depriving, confusing, but through this week I came to the realization that Jesus reigns above all of that. He surpasses my confusions and frustrations. May my eyes be fixed on Him and Him alone. May I live in the moment, not worrying about what life holds after graduation. It's frustrating because I feel like by doing that, I'm somewhat in denial that my life is going to change after graduation.

I've grown so so so much in the past 4 years. I never thought I'd really be going to Japan. It was always just a thought and plans that Jenny & I talked about doing. I could be in Japan in less than 6 months! ahh! So exciting & scary at the same time! I definitely feel the holy spirit moving in me about going...and I'm scared to death to do it. But I know that if God's brought me this far, He's definitely gonna be with me there!

Japan!

So this week has been an eventful and super exciting one!! I found out that my application to teach English in Japan through the JET program was accepted for the interview process. Then I found out that my interview is in 2 weeks, on February 14th!! That's already a busy day for me, so it's going to be even busier! My parents will be up for my concert that night. I think it's actually perfect timing that they'll be here when I have my interviews. So after my interview, I'll have to wait another 2 months to find out for sure whether I'm accepted to go. I think that I have a pretty good chance of getting in, considering I'll have a degree in Education (plus, I've had a lot of experiences teaching now!)

I'm really excited, but somewhat sad at the same time. I've developed so many friendships throughout my 4 years at Fox. I can't believe that it's my 4th year already! Time flies by soo fast! I'm both ready to be done with school but then sad to leave my friends! I feel like college graduation is a big step in life, compared to high school. Because basically I get to face the "real world" once I'm out of here. I feel prepared and confident in myself for teaching and getting a job, but I don't really want to grow up just yet. I felt so old when I was student teaching since I was around "grown-ups" all day, well and 7 year olds. It's just a different environment than being on a college campus with fun, craziness and friends!

I'm excited to see where God leads me in the next few years. Everyone's excited for me too and that makes me happy. I know that I have a ton of support. I'm a little afraid of being "homesick" while I'm in Japan. I definitely know that if I go it'll be a challenge, but I think that it'll be amazing too!

So even though I'm really excited and sad, I'm also a little bit confused. It's hard to start friendships/relationships, when I don't know if I'll see them again after graduation....kinda frustrating. But I guess I just have to trust that God knows what He's doing and that His timing is perfect....eh?

Let it snow....

It's freezing cold!!! Right now I can't decide if I'd rather be in the hot & humid weather of home or here in this freezing cold! I love the cold, but not really when my face & hands are frozen and it makes it not want to go outside! I think that if it's going to be this cold, it should just snow!!! I took that picture as we were driving up Mt. Hood for Christmas! I can't believe it was 21 degrees & I didn't feel that cold.

My sister's wedding was beautiful and warm inside :) We had to take pictures outside before the ceremony and it was so cold! My family was freezing! I'm glad that most of my family came up for the wedding! Christmas was so much fun at Mt. Hood! We went inner-tubing ... which was fun except for the collisions that occurred. It snowed soo much Christmas day though! It was b-ea-u-tiful!

This semester is off to a fast start already...almost 2 weeks down already! I have a feeling that it's gonna go by so fast....which is good, but makes me so sad! I have to keep up my grades but I wanna have fun too ;) Well, on that note, I should probably get back to writing my paper...ugh!

contentment

"everything I desire is found in Jesus."

It's such a true statement but why is it so hard to experience it to the fullness? I sometimes wish I lived long ago when everything was slow-paced and life was enjoyed; patience was probably a true virtue. ..the best things in life take time.. Why is it that we look to the world to fulfill our desires and not Jesus? Life would be so much more fulfilling if we seek the face of God. It's hard to live in this world, and not be of this world.

I am truly blessed beyond measure with so many things, but I find myself longing for more. I need and want to be content but I also want to fall more deeply in love with Jesus.

Speaking of being blessed, it's officially winter break! This semester was by far the best semester ever! Student teaching and juggling everything else I was involved in, I loved it! Their were a couple of times when I thought I wouldn't make it...but I did! I'm going to miss my 2nd graders oh so much! They were the stresses and blessings this semester. I loved teaching them, listening to their funny stories and praying for them. My heart broke a few times for the situations that they have to deal with at home. I loved being able to call them "my kids." :) In a sense they really became a part of me...I spent over 500 hours with them this semester, taught them new things and spent LOTS of time with them. I loved getting hugs & all of their really cute cards. It's amazing how big of an influence a child's teacher can become to them...even a student teacher.

One more semester left...of gen. ed's. UGH! I'm not all that thrilled, but I'm excited to be back on campus and spend my last semester with my friends and making new ones! I'll also be finding out about the JET program, interviews and whether or not I'll be teaching in Japan next year!! SO exciting & really scary!

Well, I can't wait to see my family soon! It'll be an exciting & very busy break...my sister's WEDDING!, Mt. Hood for Christmas, California for the rest of break!! :)

"Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS!"

grace

I have a gracious and loving God who is truly carrying me every step of the way..especially this past week....

Life has been busy and crazy, to say the least. But it has been great too! Student teaching is already off to a great start..I have a great school, staff and class to work with! I am learning so much and the 2nd graders are cute! They're pretty fun to teach and they have so much energy. I love it! So I love being in the classroom & school, the not so fun part is having senior seminar once a week, which means...HOMEWORK! We have to read a book for that class, plus do assignments like attend school board meetings, write reflections, & video myself teaching. And..a work sample! (the 100 page document of lesson plans, standards, etc etc) It's ridiculous. But..it's my last one that I have to do!! (i've already done 2!)

So yes, life is crazy. But I am really enjoying it. I've been trying my best to manage my time between teaching, planning, BaNd, being the female chaplain for the band, and hanging out with friends, plus practicing 6 hours a week! Crazy..YES?!?

On top of all that...all of my roommates are sick, plus some of my friends that are student teaching too! I'm trying my best to stay healthy! :)

I came upon this verse in the bible...about being joyful always, praying continuously and giving Thanks in ALL circumstances. I kinda feel like that's like my life verse. Especially recently. A friend asked me how I can be so cheerful all of the time..my response; i can be grouchy too. haha.

"Be joyful ALWAYS, pray CONTINUOUSLY, give THANKS in ALL circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."Philippians 4:6

Oh ya...i'm gonna be 21 in TWO days!

memory lane...

As I was cleaning today I was reading some old letters and cards...and reminiscing the good, crazy and hard times. Sometimes I enjoy taking a trip down memory lane, but not always. I think I've finally gotten to a point where my trip down memory lane allows me to see my growth and change. Sometimes I regret things, like not listening to the advice of my friends...but in the end, I realize that God never left me. He was definitely always with me, and still is.

Pictures, letters, cards...those help me to remember my past. I sometimes wonder "what if" or maybe my life might not be what it is now had I chosen or done things differently int the past. God's been teaching me that taking that trip down memory lane shouldn't be "what if's" but it should be more like...how did i grow..how have i changed since then..and what did i learn.

It's so amazing how God uses our memories and past experiences to teach us things about ourselves and shows us ways we can change. I'm learning that. But it's a process.

I feel like I've grown so much since I graduated high school and throughout college. I'm so glad that I went away to school. Its given me an appreciation for home, but I also feel that maybe God's calling me to come back home after i graduate.

Since I led a few bible studies and helped out several times with the Youth group at church, a part of me feels as though God might be calling me to this ministry. Not as a job, but as a part of the church. Since I grew up in this church I kinda feel a sense of responsibility and ministry to give back what I've received. I'm super excited for this youth group having new leadership and new teachers helping out. I'm kinda sad that I'll be leaving soon. But I can't wait to see what God has in store!

Oregon bound in 11 days.

randomness

Sometimes I wonder when in the world time is going....it's always when I'm enjoying life that it goes by so fast, yet when i'm not all that thrilled about life it drags.

I seriously do have several things to do before school starts again. Included in that list is the Praxis that i take in a week! I'm not ready nor am i prepared! And, I really have to pass because I don't want to pay for it again! I think I'll be fine with the math, but i need to practice the reading & writing sections.

I'm soo excited for going back to school! Well, mostly for student teaching! I'm stoked to be able to experience the prep, first day school and first several months of school. I have an amazing cooperating teacher and I'm sure the 2nd graders will be precious!

In continuation of this random blog...God is continuing to teach me so much despite the different setbacks throughout this summer. But I'm so thankful that I am alive & well (mostly). The eye surgery went well, family time has been great and I couldn't have asked for better friends. One prayer request though is for my right toe...so I dropped a can of corn on it last week at camp. Ever since then it's just gotten worse (well, it looks awful) but thankfully it's not infected (and pray that it continues to remain Uninfected!). Its been quite the ride with this toe, including a visit to the ER at 5am, and going to the doctor again several days later. So yes, despite all the pain that I've gone through, the Lord's been with me every step of the way. :)

"How can I keep from singing your praise
How can I ever say enough, how amazing is your love
How can i keep from shouting your name
I know I am LOVED by the King and it makes my heart wanna sing!"

Beautiful in the eyes of Jesus

What does it mean to be beautiful? I've been thinking about this question since I've been reading Captivating again. As I was talking with a friend about it, it was hard for me to think of one person that I think is beautiful. I hated to admit it but my idea of being beautiful was the physical, outward appearance of beauty. I've never thought of beauty being inward because our culture puts so much value on our outward beauty.

I'm learning to see beauty through the eyes of God. He's been teaching me that beauty comes from inside and radiates from the inside out. That makes me think of that song "From the inside out." Just as my love for Jesus comes 'from the inside out' so does my beauty; apparently. It's still somewhat hard for me to feel that I am beautiful.

The great thing though: Jesus thinks I'm beautiful. And to me, that's really the only thing that matters.

"You are beautiful in the eyes of the one who made you"

Vulnerable but blessed

So I've been re-reading "Captivating" for the past week and God has been revealing much and speaking many words to me. So I just read how as women, I have feelings of vulnerability. I looked up the definition of this word and got this: capable of being physically or emotionally wounded.

It seems like a lot of women are really vulnerable...and I think it's because we are already wounded. This is crazy to think that so many women feel this way and it already holds us back or causes us to control or dominate others. I've been learning a lot about the Garden of Eden and how all of Eve's actions have affected the role of women. The greatest thing I've learned is that I exemplify the qualities of God by being a women AND that God feels everything that I feel. Like when I'm feeling lonely or feeling like no one cares about me, that God feels that way about me. He wants and desires me to run to Him always! I don't know if this makes perfect sense to others, it's kind of hard to explain.

And then there's always God's beautiful creation reminding me of His love for me. I seriously want to get married..well, at least have my reception at the Turtle Bay Resort! I got to stay there last night with my family. It's one of the most beautiful, relaxing places ever! Besides getting sunburn today, it was so nice! So expensive, but amazing!! It was fun to play "tourist" on my own island. =)

"God gives us opportunities to do the things we ask.." from Evan Almighty. I've never really thought about that before. But I can see that being true..like when we ask him to help us be patient, He does so by providing a situation in which we are able to be patient. Sometimes I wonder if God really does laugh at us. I mean, some of the things I do, say or think are probably really ridiculous and funny to Him. I'm sure He gets a kick out of his children. But I also know that He also hurts with us. I can't express how amazing our God really is.

I'm so glad for this summer, despite the setbacks & laziness and feelings of uselessness and boredom, I know that God is working in me & teaching me many things.

"Sing to the Lord a new song, for he has done marvelous things..." Psalm 98:1